The forsaken Lord!!

There is just so much guilt that walks around with me on my conscience

I’m too tired to stand up on my own..yet i wana be left alone

Like a parasite i suck out the happiness..long before i should have known

Every scream that left your lips i remember..like a coward i just freaking left you to mourn

I ran in all directions yet these thoughts don’t go away

Scared to face what lies next in the dark..to go to my lord I’m too tainted to pray

There are too many voices in my head...each filled with taunts,, each filled with jests

Each screaming to me how worthless is my presence..only in death may i find the true essence

Somebody come & save me..look through me & see what is inside

Its pain and shame blended together..im running outta places to hide

I lock the doors..gag myself..then scream as loud as i can

Hoping someone would come & put through me a sword...but i lay there forsaken by my lord

If you knew how ugly i was you wouldnt waste a second with me

Only as long as i keep the mask on..your love wouldn’t betray me

I have broken down infront of you..yet you didn’t see what i wanted to show you

I just end up feeling naked infront of you...dont walk away coz there s so much you never knew

Im broken..these failures.. they destroyed me within

The journey has been too long..now each smile feels like a sin

I wonder if anyone would have thought this is how it would end when i was born

No better time to let go of this life... just before the sun rises & gives us hope..just before dawn

I fall into prostration & the screams begin to find their way out

Its between me & my lord...how loud do i need to shout

I have come to your abode...pleading for mercy

seven years of scary silent nights..i deserve to be free

So either you kill me..or find me a way to respite

Or give me courage so that i can take a knife and rip of my own wind pipe

I will finally face my own creator..& i know you might not forgive

But thats a chance im willing to take...coz this is not how one is supposed to live....

Love you Sister...:)))

weird creatures..yes they are..:D

my shirts are still tucked in my pants even though I am not in school…

I got a Hitler for a sister..she aint that cool..

Shes 25 now..thats a quarter century worth of gold..

But don’t you give her a walking stick…shes not that old

She would travel for a hour to find a cheaper broom…
then the genius goes & loses her ipod in the washroom…
never tells what bothers her…she is a closed book…
But then all her secrets came out when..her brother joined facebook..

Her smile  is adorable…her laughter is precious..

somehow both disappear when im there..i tell ya shes viscious…

my rap annoys her..my emotions are gay..

yet she finds khudus jokes funny..what can one say..

She thinks she cant cook…I would rather disagree..

I mean people did end up in the hospital..but that was for charity…
maybe 10 years down the lane when my wife runs away & I keep looking…
may be I would write to her..tell her how much I miss her cooking   

Oohh she can be really loving…

now that much is clear…
when she hugs you,you  never scream..
may be a bit outta fear…

Jokes aside, you are the best sister 1 could ever had…
you are in our life..for that we all are glad…

may you achieve everything you wanted in life..we pray…

you are a daddys girl Fanoos Amina Qadri…& he would be proud of what he sees today...

Beyond the stars

The paper is damp..the words blurred..coz its raining out here
Don’t wana go insides…so I just sat down and waited out here…
Here im not a prisoner to my own disappointments..here I was free…
Here nobody knew my name…so I wrote a final tale in my burning diary

When you cut yourself..yet the wounds disappear
So you force the scars to bleed out…and call out her
You tell her you love her…but words no longer make any sense
So I let the blood do the talking…my failures only she can cleanse

I wish I had never hurt you..never let those tears run down
Call it a blessing or a curse..you never see beyond the smile of a clown
I close all my windows..and I lock the wooden door
Let my screams not be drowned in this windy night…I deserve to be punished a lil bit more

So I hurt myself as I searched for the forgotten pain
As long as the guilt remains..just to know that im not insane
There is no refuge for me…there is no escape from this deserted lane
So I sat down and wrote this for you..so that you hate me a lil less when I hurt you again

as i look back in the broken mirrors i see those eyes
after every sorry you loved me a bit less...but still i had to apologize
this guilt sinks in..but the screams echo behind the veil..
if i could i would hold on to your ashes...you walked away without a trail

May be one day we will be able to hear over these screams
With nothing left behind listen to each others dreams…
Play the chords on a broken guitar
Wth so much left unsaid…let this silence echo beyond d stars

My own Insecurities!!!

Just temme this much..why do I find my smiles in your tears

I hear whispers in the dark..is that why I pushed you off the stairs

My sins are my haven from my own brutality..

Scary it might be..the night always accepted my reality...

Turn off the lights,, & the candles will blow out themselves

The angels despise the dark…my faith will die itself

The good and the evil, now are the same..its just one

I will push you to your limit..but pls don’t leave…pls don’t run...

All my life I have struggled to comprehend love..its alien to me

My reflection is my partner in crime..it hides what others don’t see

If I tell you what Im..will you still be there

Or would I be a prisoner to your love..with hope no where near...

You are the only one I love..if only I knew how to love

These hands of mine some how always end up hurting the one I love

Oo angel of love and hate…

Why did you make me like this..why does my love suffocate...

Your neck hurts..i will fuckin break mine

I don’t know how to keep you happy…without you I have lost my mind

Its scary to see what we have become when I look in the mirror

The sea kept me thirsty..the sky kept me waiting for ever...

Everyday is like a battle, everyday I wana see you cry

Dead I have been inside too long..your screams is what I need to shatter my lies

Together we will build a home..with my darkness and your light

My scars never heal with time…together we will scream in the depth of the night...

As the sun sets on me…so does my shadow too…

The glowing moon is like the forbidden love..the dark stars knew it too

All im capable of is giving tears..her smile wasn’t true

In this self hatred I grew up…I never knew I was capable of destroying you…